


Contracts

by Kadorienne



Category: Jupiter Ascending (2015)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Space contracts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-15 05:35:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3435428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kadorienne/pseuds/Kadorienne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caine makes a habit of stopping Jupiter from entering into contracts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Contracts

“Come _on_ , Jupiter, we’ve been over this a million times.” Vladie’s voice cut into her concentration.

“Just, give me a couple of minutes to read this.” Jupiter kept her head bent over the papers, despite the unconcealed impatience of everyone else in the room. That meant her entire family - well, all the members over eighteen - as well as their prospective new employers, the two men who owned Metropolitan Residential Cleaning, Inc. They had offered generous compensation if the Bolotnikovs would sell their mom-and-pop operation to them and continue working the same houses.

The acquisition offered the Bolotnikov family plenty of advantages. They would no longer bear the expense of advertising and the assorted business license fees, and their new partners had all kinds of equipment Jupiter’s family had never been able to afford, devices which would make their work easier and less time-consuming.

“You already read it,” Vassily complained. “Last night. Aloud, and you made all of us listen. The rest of us have signed it. Now please, do your part, ease the burden on your family.”

The corner of Jupiter’s mouth twisted, but the contract did seem okay. Drawing a deep breath, she accepted the pen Vladie was poking her with and moved it towards the space where she was to put her name.

“ _Stop!”_

The window of Metropolitan’s smart grey-and-black office shattered in a rain of glittering shards. Caine Wise, Jupiter’s hot space-wolf boyfriend, soared in on his gravity boots and knocked the pen from her hand urgently.

At least his coat was covering his wings. This was going to take enough explaining.

“Your Ma- Jupiter, they’re going to steal all your clients and then fire you all as soon as they can. I heard them talking about it at their favorite bar and grill last night.” Caine growled at the owners of Metropolitan. “They’re doing it to small cleaning businesses all over the city.”

One of the Metropolitan proprietors had recovered enough to sneer, “What, you actually believe this guy with the Spock ears? We have only your best interests at heart.”

Vassily stood up with portly dignity, brushing bits of window glass off himself. “If my niece considers him worthy of her affection, he is trustworthy. We bid you good day.” With that, he tore the incomplete contract to shreds and stalked out, the rest of the Bolotnikovs following.

“I don’t suppose you brought one of those flashy memory things,” Jupiter muttered to Caine as they brought up the rear.

 

Jupiter could hardly contain her excitement. It had taken a lot of searching, but at last her family had found a larger house in their price range. She could have her own room for the first time in her life! Well, unless you counted the various rooms she’d been given that time she got kidnapped into outer space, but she didn’t count those.

The mortgage loan had been approved the day before, so this morning she and her mother were at the realty to do the paperwork. She was giddy as she took the cap off her pen to write the signature that would make her a homeowner.

A shower of plaster destroyed her freshly washed hair as a hole appeared in the realtor’s roof. She immediately tried to brush it off with her hands - she’d used the fancy shampoo Katherine Dunleavy had been nice enough to give her for Christmas, it cost more than she made in three days and she’d wanted to look nice for a big day like this - but there was too much of it. She’d have to go to work with white junk in her hair.

“Caine!” she exclaimed as she, her mother and the realtor all jumped to their feet. Of course it was him, gravity boots and dark trench coat and all.

“Don’t do it!” he cried. “It has dry rot!”

“Damn,” Jupiter said.

 

Uncle Vassily had delivered a lengthy tirade about carelessness when Jupiter lost her cell phone. Queen of the Earth and she got scolded for losing a phone. But Vassily didn’t know that, he just knew that phones weren’t cheap.

Ever since saving the Earth from harvest and finding out what  _real_ family dysfunction looked like, Jupiter had taken most of her family’s petty quarrels and irritations in stride, but Vassily’s complaints had annoyed her enough that she was determined that she would show him. She would find such a good deal on a new phone with a new plan that losing the old one would turn out to be a blessing.

This meant spending two dreary hours at the cell phone store comparing different plans with their byzantine offerings, but to someone who had been through space bureaucracy and read the Entitled Code of Conduct in mere hours to find the bits she needed, that was nothing.

She was pretty sure she had found the right one, but she had a few more questions. She clicked open a pen to circle a couple of the details on the brochure that she wanted to ask about, but her ever-vigilant space-wolf boyfriend apparently misinterpreted the gesture.

At least this time, in deference to her many exasperated requests, he just burst through the door, letting it slam against the wall and startling all the other customers.

“NOOOO!” he yelled, running towards her. Seizing the brochure, he brandished it at the shocked salesman. “It doesn’t have nearly enough minutes!”

 


End file.
